


Alone at Sea

by sonicrainicorn



Series: Berry Done AU [12]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety Attacks, Gen, Harassment, Hurt/Comfort, Logic | Logan Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders is a Sweetheart, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-23 07:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23774953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonicrainicorn/pseuds/sonicrainicorn
Summary: Logan gets the worst dose of reality when his abusive ex-boyfriend tries to come back into his life.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Past Logic | Logan Sanders/Other
Series: Berry Done AU [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1259483
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	Alone at Sea

**Author's Note:**

> A short interlude before we get to the messy cleanup :)
> 
> (if you're following the storyline, that is. which, of course, you don't have to)

Truth be told, Logan’s guard wasn’t down a hundred percent yet. Yes, Patton continued to be a kind and caring person, but that still didn’t prove anything. Not yet. They were going to be approaching their two year anniversary soon; as far as Logan was concerned, that would be the real test.

It seemed like a lot of things in his life started to turn around after two years.

Not always for the better.

“I’ll pick you up after work, okay?” Patton said as Logan prepared to leave the car. “Don’t even think about trying to do homework or studying or anything. Free day today.”

Also known as date night. Logan rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“Logan Sanders, I am serious. You deserve a break.”

Logan paused. Patton always seemed to know when he was feeling overworked. He turned to him with a small smile. “I’ll see you in a few hours.” He left before Patton could try to berate him further.

Today wouldn’t necessarily be the easiest to get through, but he’d manage. All his challenging classes were lined up for today. He didn’t consider that when he scheduled them, too focused on finding the best way to work this new semester into his life, so now he paid the price. It wasn’t that big of a deal for the most part, but sometimes he ended the day being too mentally exhausted to do any hard thinking.

Still, he’d survive.

And, for today at least, he had Patton to look forward to. It was always nice to spend time with Patton. Everything felt different with him. The world a little brighter, the future not so daunting. It was like everything would be okay. At least for a little. And even if it didn’t stay it would be back again soon. Bad times didn’t last forever. Logan knew that, of course. In theory. In practice was a whole other thing. But Patton helped bridge that gap a little bit at a time.

By the time Logan finished his first class he started to think that maybe this day wouldn’t be so difficult after all. Only two more to go, and the next one started in ten minutes. He stopped by the student store for a quick snack before going on his way. He didn’t wake up with enough time to eat breakfast anymore. He tried, but more sleep always sounded more appealing than food. Getting later classes wasn’t an option; he tended to work nights and still needed enough time to do homework. Morning and early afternoon was the only opportunity he had for classes.

After their financial situation got better, Thomas tried to insist that Logan didn’t need to work. He should focus on school. And while Logan agreed with that sentiment, he knew that couldn’t happen. Thomas was trying to go to school again, but he needed to be a part-time student in order to comply with his work schedule. Unfortunately, that meant he wouldn’t receive financial aid. So Logan kept his job. It sucked. Kind of a lot -- but it was for Thomas.

That made it worth it.

Logan stared at his notes as the professor lectured. He had messy note-taking handwriting. His handwriting, in general, wasn’t the prettiest, but it seemed as soon as he started taking notes it got uglier. Perhaps part of that had to do with trying to keep up with the information being given. Well, whatever. As long as he could read it it was fine.

He snapped out of his daze when he heard people around him pack their things. Class finished already? He double-checked the time -- just to see for sure -- and found that class did indeed finish. Right on time as always. He should probably stop zoning out in this class.

He put away his stuff and left. Two down one to go. Regrettably, there was an hour and a half until the next one. Logan hated having such large gaps between classes, but this time slot was the only one that wasn’t during another class or too late in the day. On the bright side, the extra free time meant he could work on homework (or take a nap, depending on how he felt).

Finding a good spot to hang out could be a hassle sometimes, however. Logan preferred to be as alone as possible, yet that could be difficult to achieve on a bustling college campus. There was always at least _someone_ _,_ though it was possible to be completely alone in certain places. For at least a short while.

“Logan!”

Logan halted with a small frown. That voice sounded... familiar. But there was a chance he was imagining it just because they said his name. It might not have even been for him. Still, he turned around. His heart lodged in his throat.

“Hey,” Percival said with a smile as he caught up. “It’s been a while.”

He got taller. That fact made Logan’s stomach turn. Having to look up even further see a face he thought would be long gone felt like some form of punishment. Or perhaps a penance. “H-how did...?”

Despite not being close to a full sentence (or even a loud volume), Percy understood. “Well, it wasn’t like I was looking for you. I started coming here last semester, and I met someone that happened to know you.”

While Logan didn’t have the proper social skills to make friends, other people did. It seemed, whether he wanted to or not, they would get acquainted with each other. They didn’t force themselves in, but rather found ways to weasel through. Quil was an example of one such person. But he never thought he was significant enough for anyone to mention in conversation -- with his past abuser no less. Of course, he only told three people out of everyone he knew, so he couldn’t blame anyone but himself.

“It’s been a while since we last saw each other so I asked what you were up to -- and it turns out you’re going here, too! I was hoping to run into you before I asked them for your number or anything. Just my luck to see you today.”

Logan could only manage a tight-lipped hum of agreement. He needed to find out who he talked to and explain why this was an issue.

Percy’s smile fell a bit. “Look,” he started slowly. Almost cautiously. “I know I wasn’t... the best... to you in high school. But that’s why I needed to talk to you so badly. I’m different now. I want to show you that.”

No, no, no, no, no. “What, what are you implying exactly?” More than his heart tried to crawl out of his throat.

“Let me take you out tonight. On a date -- anywhere you want to go. We can start fresh.”

Logan’s fingers twitched reflexively. As if reaching for Patton’s hand -- almost always an index finger away. It wasn’t there. “Uh, I-I’m busy tonight. Sorry.” He turned to leave.

Percy cut him off. “Then we’ll try another night. Please just give me a chance.”

Logan froze. He didn’t know what to do. His mind was screaming at him to run away -- to grab someone’s attention -- to do _something._ But he couldn’t move. He could barely breathe.

“Please, Logan, I’ve changed,” Percy continued to beg. “Let me prove it to you.”

“I’m seeing someone else,” Logan muttered meekly. He tried to get around, but a hand shot out and grabbed his arm. His entire body went cold. “P-please let me go.”

“Just give me a chance. That’s all I want, Logan, just a chance.”

He glanced up and saw a girl staring at him with wide eyes. She quickly turned down to her phone. “I don’t -- I won’t give you one. I’ve, I’ve said no already. That should be enough for you.” He tried to tug his arm back.

Percy pulled him closer. “I’m not going to let you give me a ‘no’. I’ve been waiting for this moment for too long.”

“You’re not going to get anything other than a ‘no’.” A brittle rage pulled at Logan. He didn’t want this man anywhere near him. Nothing about him had changed at all. “There’s someone else now. I don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” He yanked his arm free. “Now leave me alone.” He hurried away before Percy could do anything else.

As soon as the anger left him, the fear came back again. So many questions swirled around in his brain: what if Percy continued to look for him? What if he really wouldn’t take no for an answer? What would happen then? He feared for his safety as well as the safety of everyone he knew. He didn’t know the lengths Percy would be willing to go to. He didn’t want to find out.

He couldn’t breathe.

The ground became hard to follow. He needed somewhere to sit down.

A tree. There was a tree. No one was sitting by it and the shade looked inviting. He went to it. He curled up into a tight ball and tried to focus on breathing. He never realized how hard it was. His whole body trembled with emotion and he found himself choking on sobs as well as air.

_Patton._

He needed Patton. Patton would make everything better.

He brought the phone up to his ear. After a few rings there came a soft, _“Hello?”_ But Logan couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He couldn’t. Patton didn't need to know this. It wasn’t his problem. He didn’t have to worry about it.

_“Logan? Are you alright? Is something wrong?”_

Logan hung up.

For a moment, he considered calling Thomas, but the same reasoning came up. Thomas didn’t need to worry. As soon as Logan mentioned Percy, he would already be on his way. He couldn’t do that to him. They were both convinced Percy would stay in the past.

So Logan kept it to himself. He shut his eyes and tried to ground himself. He could do it. He had to. He couldn’t let anyone else know what happened. They didn’t need to worry. They didn’t.

“Um. Hey,” a soft voice caused him to snap his eyes open. The girl he saw earlier stood nervously in front of him with concern all over her features. “A-are you okay?”

Logan tried to say he was fine -- don’t worry about it, go away -- but only broken syllables left his mouth. He knew she wouldn’t believe him even if he said so.

“I’m gonna sit here, alright?” She lowered herself to the ground. Not too close. Not too far. “I’m Dahlia, by the way, but, um, do you wanna go somewhere else? Are you fine being here?”

“M’fine,” he managed to get out. He curled his fingers around the grass.

“Okay. I’m gonna stay with you, alright? Just until you get better. You’re okay. I’m gonna help you through this, alright? It won’t last forever.”

Dahlia stayed true to her word. She was calm and gentle and way too kind for a stranger witnessing someone else’s anxiety attack. It was clear she had knowledge of this but was still inexperienced with it. Like she read what to do but had never put it into practice before. She even knew a couple of breathing tricks and went through with the one Logan found the most helpful. She continued to stay even after the initial chaos settled down.

And it made Logan feel a little bad. He was dragging a stranger into his problems when he could have handled it himself. She had better things to do than monitor a cry baby running away from his issues.

“So, uh, if you don’t mind me asking,” Dahlia messed with the blades of grass in front of her, “who was that guy?”

Logan couldn’t get his mouth to move. He could have told her. She had no connection to his life -- she’d probably never speak to him again. But he couldn’t do it. There wasn’t even a real reason for it. He just couldn’t say it.

“That’s alright, you don’t have to tell me.” She gave him a small smile. Much like Patton, she was far too understanding. She didn’t press him when he didn’t respond to her and changed the topic to see if he would talk about anything else. It was safe to say that she did most of the talking between them. “I called campus security. They said they would take care of it, but it’s totally up to you if you want to come forward or not.”

“I just don’t want to see him again,” Logan mumbled into his arms.

Dahlia looked as if someone kicked her puppy and ran away. “R-right. Well, I don’t know about anywhere else, but I know you’ll never see him here again. But if you decide to do anything about it, I’ll back you up.”

Logan didn’t know why a total stranger would “back him up” at all. There wasn’t any benefit for her. She didn’t even know his name. Maybe this was that human decency Patton talked about sometimes.

“Logan?”

Speak of the devil and he shall arrive.

Dahlia and Logan looked over to see Patton trekking over to them. His face was flushed as if he had been running around for some reason.

“Do you know him?” Dahlia asked in the same gentle tone that had yet to leave her, though it came out a bit protective. What was it about Logan that attracted protective people? Why did they feel a need to protect him? Could they sense how sad and pathetic he was?

Logan nodded.

“Are you safe around him?”

He nodded again.

“Do you want me to tell him what happened?”

After a slight hesitation, he nodded a final time.

Dahlia picked herself up and met Patton partway with determination on her features. Logan tried to act like the grass was the most important thing happening right now. He didn’t want to see how Patton would take the news.

Dahlia came back to him first. “Um, I’m gonna head out now. But, uh, here.” She handed him a slip of paper. “If you ever need help again. Or if you just want someone to talk to. Texting is preferable, but don’t ever hesitate to call.” She smiled at him, eyed Patton one last time, then left with her bag slung over her shoulder.

Logan looked down at the paper. Dahlia's scratchy writing stared back at him with overly neat numbers below her full name.

Patton took a seat beside him. He moved as if he didn’t want to startle a frightened animal. “You doing okay?”

“Fine.” Logan still couldn’t look at him.

“Did you know him?”

A little too well. “Just someone I met in class once.” Lying didn’t ease up any of the dread or the awful pit in his stomach.

Patton fell silent for a moment. “Do you want a hug?”

Logan looked up at him. He was genuine. Somehow appearing open for the hug despite not moving at all. “It’s alright.” He looked back down at the paper.

“I’m only going to ask again because I want a yes or no answer. If you say yes then that’s fine if you say no, that’s okay too. I’m not inconvenienced by either. I just want you to know that you have a say in this. You shouldn't have to worry about bothering me or giving me an answer you think I want to hear.” Somehow, Logan felt as if this was for more than a hug. “Give me an honest answer. So I’ll ask again, do you want a hug?”

Logan couldn’t bring himself to speak. Past instincts told him that wanting something from someone else wouldn’t lead to good things. He learned not to want so no one would be inconvenienced by him. But Patton wasn’t Percy. Patton was nice. Patton kept promises. Patton never hurt him. So instead of using his voice, Logan leaned into Patton’s side.

In response, Patton adjusted himself so that his arms could wrap around Logan. He didn’t say anything snarky. He didn’t complain about having to move. He just held Logan without a word.

Logan didn’t want to admit that he enjoyed it -- he didn’t need this sort of attention; it was a waste of time -- but he couldn’t deny the comfort that came with it. He felt safe. It was a silly thought, but he did feel safe. Like as long as he was in Patton’s arms then nothing could hurt him.

“I was scared when you called me,” Patton whispered. “I thought -- I don’t know -- I thought you were hurt or something. And I didn’t even think about it, I just rushed right over here.”

“Sorry.”

“Shh. None of that. I’m just glad I found you.” He placed a gentle kiss on top of Logan’s head. “Are you ready to head home now?”

“I still have class.”

“What?” Patton pulled himself away. Logan stopped a pitiful sound from leaving his throat. “You were still planning to go?” He looked confused and hurt. Maybe not hurt. But worried. The type of worried that leaves an ache in your chest.

“I wasn’t planning on skipping.” The slip of paper was still curled in his hand.

“Logan, you can’t act like nothing happened to you --” For a second, Logan’s blood ran cold. Until he realized that Patton meant about today -- “it’s not healthy to brush off something like this. You should go home. If there’s ever a day to miss school, it’s this day.”

“I don’t know...”

“Please.” Intentionally or not, Patton gave Logan his best puppy eyes. “I need -- I want -- it would make me feel better if you didn’t go. We could watch a movie or read or something. Whatever you want. Just as long as you go home and relax. You need it.”

Logan didn’t have the strength to argue. “Alright, I guess.”

Patton smiled. Full of relief. “Good. Let’s get you home, then.” He helped Logan to his feet.

“I suppose that means no date today.”

Patton intertwined his fingers with Logan. “You’re not leaving your apartment if that’s what you’re suggesting. Doesn’t mean we can’t make a date out of it. We’ll make cookies or something.”

“I thought you wanted me to relax.”

“Hey, I’m not _that_ bad. I know how to turn on the oven.”

“Maybe we’ll just stick with a movie.”


End file.
